


The End of the Llama

by china_shop



Category: due South
Genre: Crack, Fic, Homage, Llamas, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-13
Updated: 2006-01-13
Packaged: 2017-10-13 00:27:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/130791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/china_shop/pseuds/china_shop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Fraser," said Ray. "There's something weird about that llama."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The End of the Llama

"Fraser," said Ray. "There's something weird about that llama."

They were standing on the C Deck, staring out to sea, and Ray couldn't help flashing on that time on the Bounty replica when they'd nearly broken up and hadn't, and after that things had gotten--closer. Intense and sometimes naked.

Things were a bit more awkward now, after all their time apart, but the memory gave Ray the courage to edge toward Fraser and nudge his shoulder with Ray's own.

Fraser looked at him and smiled, his eyes warm and clear. But all he said was, "No, Ray. It's an animatronic device designed to align two disparate latitudes and alleviate the inconveniences of incompatible timezones."

Ray restrained himself from turning that into some kind of lame double entendre and winked at him instead. "Latitudes, huh? That's dumb. But what I meant was it's smoking."

"Ah." Fraser's shoulder bumped against Ray's, and from the look in his eye, he wasn't really following the conversation anymore. "Nicotine addiction isn't restricted to humans, Ray. In fact, I--"

Ray wrestled with his better instincts, and was sadly disappointed when he lost. "Yeah," he interrupted, resting his hand in the small of Fraser's back. "Maybe we should check it out before we--"

"Hmm?" Fraser's eyes were big and dark, and fixed on Ray's mouth.

"Before we get distracted," said Ray firmly, taking Fraser's shoulders and pointing him toward the llama, who had gray clouds of smoke billowing out her ears, and was making low distressed moaning noises.

"Oh dear," sighed Fraser, and scanned the area for a fire extinguisher.

"What happens if we dump water on it?" said Ray, spying a plastic bucket further along the deck.

"We'd run the danger of short circuiting it, which would probably disrupt all its functions."

Ray took a second to process that. "You mean it'd be like killing it? Jeez."

"I'm afraid so. Though I doubt the smoke is a good sign, either. And this ship seems to be woefully lacking in fire extinguishers."

Ray clicked his fingers. "Sandpit," he said, triumphantly. "I saw some kids playing in a sandpit on the other side of the C Deck. Quick!" He raced down the deck and snatched up the plastic bucket, then ran around to the sandpit, yelling at the kids to get out of the way, and filled the bucket with sand.

When he got back, he looked at the bucket and looked at the llama, who was smouldering orangely. "What do we do, Frase? This isn't gonna be enough to suffocate the flames."

"It's only the head that's burning, Ray." Fraser grabbed the bucket from Ray's hand and approached the llama carefully. "Here," he said, holding out the bucket. "Bury your head in this."

The llama sizzled and moaned. There was no time to be polite about it. Ray rushed forward and grabbed the scorching hot llama by its neck, and forced its head into the bucket of sand. It tried to back away, but Fraser caught its tail and held on firmly, and after a while it stopped moving.

"Hmmm," said Fraser.

"Is it okay?" asked Ray.

"I'm afraid it didn't fare very well."

He was right. The llama was cooling, but it'd stopped moving, stopped resisting, and its neck had gone limp. "Shit!" said Ray, feeling bad.

"At least we stopped the ship from catching fire," Fraser pointed out. "There's nothing more dangerous than a fire at sea."

"Yeah," said Ray, scowling at nothing. "But it still sucks."

"Yeah," said Fraser. They stepped away from the llama and looked at each other sadly. "Yeah, it does."

 

[mergatrude: **DEFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

china_shop: It's okay. It's okay. There's a sequel! In your inbox! Now!]

 

That evening, a storm blew up. Fraser and Ray were lying in Fraser's cabin, kissing and snuggling. They were both fully dressed, and Ray was trying to keep a lid on his wanting Fraser, because what with the llama and everything, it just didn't seem right to have hot sweaty sex. But even with their clothes on, this was the best time Ray'd had in years, and god, Fraser felt _amazing_. He lips traveled down Ray's neck, nuzzling under his ear.

"Jesus," Ray said. "You keep doing that--"

"Missed you," Fraser mumbled against his skin.

"Yeah, me too. Me too." He sank his hands into Fraser's henley and tried to relax. Something was bugging him, though, fluttering against his mind like a moth against glass. "Anything seem hinky to you about that llama, Fraser? I mean, apart from it being a weird robotic device."

Fraser stopped and blinked at him. "Like what?"

"Like how did it catch fire in the first place. Me, I think there's something fishy about it." Ray stopped and listened to the sound of thunder rolling across the sky.

"You suspect sabotage?" Fraser frowned. "It _was_ recently suspended from the railing by persons unknown."

Ray nodded. "I was there, remember?" He kissed Fraser hard, and then sat up, swinging his feet onto the floor. "I just--I can't shake the feeling like--like something's going on here."

Fraser put his hand on Ray's thigh and squeezed. Outside there was another boom of thunder, louder this time. Lightning flashed through the porthole.

"We gotta look into it," said Ray. "Something's not right."

For a moment, Fraser seemed like he was going to argue. His hand moved on Ray's thigh, which made Ray feel hot and a little breathless, and for a second, he thought Fraser was going to say To hell with it, and pull Ray into his arms, and let them get carried away. But he didn't, and in his heart of hearts Ray was kind of relieved. This was _Fraser_. Flattering as it'd be to distract him from his duty, he wouldn't _be_ Fraser if he didn't want to help, and there were enough freaky things on this ship without Fraser not being himself.

Ray pulled his boots on, and checked his gun was loaded. Fraser put on his hat.

"Okay," said Ray. "Where do we start?"

   
***

   
Outside the waves were towering through a vast violent seascape of wind and rain. Lightning strobed the sky. Lifeboats rattled in their cradles. Limp and abandoned, buffeted by wind, sodden with rain, the carcass of a dead animatronic llama was briefly outlined against the dazzling sea.

Then the improbable happened. A bolt of forked lightning actually made contact, zapping the llama's head and making its whole body glow with a blinding unearthly light. It shook and howled.

The boat heaved on the angry sea. Thunder shook the earth to its very core.

A few minutes later, everything was quiet and still. The storm had blown past. The lightning flashed on the horizon. And the little llama on the C Deck raised her head and sniffed the air. "Llama five is alive," she bleated to herself, and trotted off in search of cheesecake.


End file.
